I have been counting the days to fathers day for the last two weeks. You know how you know you should not do something because you know that in the end, it may cause you some strife but you do it anyways? That is how I feel about my countdowns for each holiday.
There are mainly three holidays that I just go through the motions in an attempt to just make it through the day: my dad's birthday, Christmas, and Fathers day. Out of those three days though, Fathers day, is the hardest one for me. The commercials, the shirts at the stores, gifts in the stores, pictures on facebook, listening to the plans others have for that day. All of it makes me cringe and begin a new countdown. Countdown till its over.
I know it is my own issue and I am okay with that. It is all part of grieving and learning how to live in this new life that I have been handed but it does not always make it easier. Some days are easier than others but as the dreaded days get closer I just want to hide away and not talk to anyone or do anything. But I do. I wake up and act as though all is well in the life of me. I put a smile on my face, wake the kids, do what we have to do, and get on with the day. I do the best I can to give the kids a normal day and celebrate as they expect. Especially now that life seems to always be changing in one way or another.
So, this father day I am thankful for my daddy for teaching me that sometimes it is not how much you can handle in life but what you choose to do with what is handed to you. Even when you do not understand the why or how in life there is always something to be thankful for. No matter how hard it is...even when in the moment you cannot find that positive...after the fact when you're looking back there may be a small glimmer... in its tiniest form that will hopefully remind you of the happy times.
Happy Fathers Day in Heaven Dad. Enjoy your day fishing and just relaxing around the golden pond. I am proud to have you as my Dad and look forward to when we will meet again,
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