Trust in You

Last night was the viewing for my grandfather. My third loss in fifteen months. This one is not as hard as losing my Dad and Pops but never less its still a loss. At this point when it comes to funerals we are just going through the motions. Even the kids are like really, mom? Yes, really, let's go. 

You can always count on Logan though to lighten the mood and make you laugh when you are to be quiet. My sweet child. As soon as he walks in he finds his Mimi and takes her a box of kleenexes. No matter how wild and wacky he is he never without affection. He has more energy than we know what to do with but he has just enough affection to bless those around him.

Over the last fifteen months, I have had to learn how to trust again. The day I lost my Dad my whole life shattered. I trusted know one. I felt that everyone one had an alternative motive to talk to us. And really they did. I felt that everyone was walking on eggshells around us. They were and still are. I felt as though no one knew how to speak to us. They didn't and often times they still don't. 

Yes, we are broken, Our hearts are like a million piece puzzle slowly being rebuilt and healed. Yes, we still dearly miss our Daddy and Pops. Yes, our memories: the good, the bad, and the ugly are forever engraved on our hearts.

I often look back at the struggles that have been laid in front of us over this last year. I still question pretty much every single aspect of our live's but we are learning to trust again. We continue the fight to walk up the mountain of life. Not because we want to but because we have to. We are learning to breathe again even when we do not want to. We are learning to believe again. I know God has a master plan for our lives but when you are in the midst of pain you can barely see an hour in front of you let alone even your future. 

So, today as we lay to rest our grandfather I can't help but think I am a little jealous. This earth is not our home we are just passing through. One day we will be reunited with our family in heaven and what a joyous time we will have. 

While we do not understand life's struggles, God does. God knows the mountains we are climbing yet he is simply wanting us to trust in his plan. Not ours. His.