For the last two month's I have been dreading the fall/winter season. I have tried to avoid all conversations about Thanksgiving, Christmas, celebrating and decorating. I have silently counted the days till November 5th dreading every moment of it. The first day in a long line of holidays and celebrations that I will have to face this season.
November 5th is my Daddy's birthday. We never did too much for his birthday but we always had cake or ice cream. Even when the 5th fell on opening weekend for hunting we still celebrated somehow when he came home. Wednesday, November 5, 2015, we went to Dairy Queen to celebrate. That was the last time we went out to eat with Dad. It is crazy how your brain remembers things that at the time you think are irrelevant. Now, I can visually see everything that happened that evening. My brain is on constant movie mode. Not just with this particular day but with many and often random days.
As each day comes and goes you would think I would get used to this uneasy feeling but I don't. Each day is the same. A feeling of here we go again as I watch the clock tick and count the days to the next day.
I do not think it will ever get easier. I guess you just learn to accept and hopefully heal in the process.
